


as certain dark things

by rebelkbex (reyanehokkain)



Series: about me or the devil [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cassandra Pentaghast's Disgusted Noises, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9393476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyanehokkain/pseuds/rebelkbex
Summary: Between the end of Corypheus and the Exalted Council, Marlene Trevelyan finds herself lost.





	

**Author's Note:**

> *fart noises* I was having a bad day yesterday and so my fingers did things. 
> 
> The title comes from Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

She wonders how hard the ground would be when it rushes up to meet her.

Cullen is asleep in bed behind her, having the better night out of the two of them, as Marlene is standing on her balcony and thinking that she should be on the ground below, broken by the fall. Her hands are gripped to the railing as she is torn between vaulting over it to meet her end or pushing away from it and back to Cullen, back to the only safe thing that she has found in her life.

She wonders how Cullen would handle it if he awoke to discover that in the middle of the night, the love of his life had ended her own. She wonders if he would blame himself for not seeing something wrong sooner. She wonders how long it would take him to move on.

She wonders if he would move on, or if he would join her shortly in her oblivion.

Marlene falls to her knees.

The thought of Cullen ending his life to be with her is one that sickens her beyond belief.

Ever since the death of Corypheus, Marlene has been struggling. There’s something wrong in the Deep Roads that requires her attention and letters from the Frostback Basin have been trying to tempt her into joining their search for the last Inquisitor and yet, she feels that there are others that would be much better suited for all of that.

Corypheus’s words from Haven, calling her a thief, and her memories from the Fade still linger in her head, reminding her that she’s nothing holy, just a miserable ex-Templar that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She looks at the balcony railing again and thinks about how easy it would be to end this all, to put the final period in her story and be done with it. She’s so lost in her mental arguments, trying to justify to herself about wanting to die, that she doesn’t realize that Cullen has woken up until his hand is on her shoulder.

“Don’t.”

Marlene’s instincts are to run, to pull away and crawl inside her ball of shame that anyone, especially Cullen, has seen her like this. And yet, there is something steadying about his hand on her shoulder, something that brings the whole world back into sharp focus and brings her mind out of its fog. She wants to say something, wants to assure Cullen that she wasn’t going to do whatever he thought she was, but she’s still tired enough that she doesn’t have the ability to lie that well and her mind traitorously points out that she doesn’t want to lie, like it wasn’t just arguing with itself on all the reasons she should kill herself.

Instead, she leans back into Cullen, who is now sitting behind her and listens as he promises to talk to Josephine, promises to find someone who can help her through this, promises to do whatever she needs him to do to get through this. She listens and he talks and she says what he wants to hear to get them both back inside and under the covers, but in the back of her mind, another traitorous little voice whispers, “There’s always tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr @ twinskelletons


End file.
